How It Is: A Long Rant

Most of you probably noticed how upset Gary was by the end of last night. In case you were wondering what that was all about, I am making this post.

If you think it was simply because the game he tried to play didn't work out, you're wrong. It's much more than that, and I know all about it. You see, even though Gary and I didn't talk much about it directly, we could read it on each others' faces. This wasn't about a game, it was about our youth group.

I am so sick of the what-our-youth-group-needs subject. We've been there so many times, and so many times it feels like we're beating a dead horse. But as long as our inability to figure it out hinders what we should really be about, we have to keep coming back to it. So here we are again...except this time will be a little different. You see, I'm not going to ask too many questions or encourage much discussion (as if I'd get many answers and/or discussion anyway). I'm just going to try to tell you guys how it is. In other words, I'm going to rant.

About the Games
It's not just about the effort we put into it, it's about the attitudes. Maybe you really did "try" to play the game, but did you try to enjoy it? At the very least, we'd liked to have seen you guys enjoy laughing at the game!

I read an article on a youth ministry website that suggested laughing off and making fun of any game that flops. Sounds good to me. But that's hard to do when you guys beat us to it - criticizing the game before it even begins, and not even in a fun way - just fussing and whining. Do that, and nobody has any fun at all.

And that defeats the whole purpose! We do this to have fun, people! Even if, at the very worst, the game absolutely sucks, we still want everyone to have fun, even if it's just in having a good laugh. But so often you guys act like we're forcing you to play one of the "games" from the Saw movies! It's a shame that we leaders actually feel guilty for asking you guys to play. "Gee, we really shouldn't have tried to give them a good time. That was wrong of us."

Here's the thing: every now and then, a youth worker tries something that totally flops. Whether it's a game, a lesson, a concert, a conference, whatever - we try it out and it simply doesn't get the response we thought it would. When that happens to the leaders in a fairly solid youth group, it becomes a comical misadventure that ends up in one of their books on youth ministry.

But when it happens in our youth group, we call it Wednesday night. You see, it wasn't just that the game flopped that made Gary so upset. It was a cumulation of frustrations about the apathy and fussiness of our youth group. It seems like things always flop. Sure, I could go down a list and name a few things that we did enjoy. But on average, you guys will manage to find something wrong with just about everything, especially games.

I remember being at PlanetWisdom (which is my favorite thing we do during the school year) and hearing people complain that it was two days long - that they thought it'd should only be one 'cause they'd rather be at home. I remember the Seventh Day Slumber/Kutless concert where everyone was so quick to whine about how they didn't like that style of music while sitting in a little cluster on the bleachers. I remember trying to get people excited about seeing The Nativity Story, but some people just didn't understand why we couldn't see something else. I remember Aaron and Joann trying to introduce you guys to new games - almost every single one was responded to with whining and/or nobody jumping up to start it off.

I could go on and on, naming seemingly petty things. But they're really not all that petty - not when they add up and begin to define our youth group. We leaders have come to think of our youth group as "whiny," and that's not based on one single incident.

About Music
I'm not sure how to flow seamlessly from one subject to another in this, so I'm just going to jump to each one as they come to me...

First of all, I want to mention two things about the music on the van:

1. Keep your dang hand off the radio! Who do you think you are all of a sudden? Don't just plop up there and start changing the station. That's rude! It's called manners, people.
2. Am I completely crazy in believing it to be understood that, if we play music on the church van, it should be Christian? We hardly ever listen to the radio as it is, but when we do, I see no reason to play anything but Christian. After all, most of you never listen to Christian music anyway. Would it kill you to listen to it on the church van? I miss the days when I was in the youth group, before you guys came along, when the van ride was a good opportunity for me to discover new Christian songs. I wish you guys understood that.

No, you don't have to listen to Christian music all the time, but I wish at least a few more of you were into it at all. Christian music should be a part of a youth group. Youth groups are for teenagers, teenagers love music...it all goes hand in hand.

I hope somebody beside Stephen will join me tonight for the Skillet concert. I hope somebody besides Stephen has heard of them. I hope somebody besides Stephen would like to go, would like to sit close to the front, would enjoy themselves. But if not, I guess it'll just be me, Marissa, and Stephen.

And I couldn't go on without mentioning worship. We don't have that at all. True, that part's not your fault. But when we did have it...well, do I even have to say it?

About Spiritual Maturity
Of course, the ultimate purpose of our youth group is to grow closer to God. You guys know that... So, where do I begin?

First of all, let me just put it this way: the behavior on Wednesday nights is nothing less than atrocious. I'll admit that this past Wednesday actually went exceptionally well, but on average...well, all I can say is, "Wow!"

Manners is how you show somebody that you respect them. Respect is acknowledging a person's importance and, in our case at least, trusting them to lead you the right way. Jon McClure (my old youth pastor) got respect because we recognized that God was real in his life and that the things he told us were for our benefit.

Overall, we see very little to no interest in God. And your simple being there doesn't count. You might assume that we discern your spiritual maturity by your church attendance. We don't! And it's not even so much about "being there for the right reason" either. It's about how God never seems to be of any interest to most of our members after we're done talking about Him as a group. Get it? Gary and I talk about God all the time in our casual conversations - we'd love to see you guys do the same.

About the Blog
...oh, never mind.

About Everything Else
If you've read this whole thing and have managed to work up a nice argument against it in your head, then consider this: that's exactly the kind of attitude I'm talking about!

"But I don't like playing games - I'd rather do something else." "I don't like Christian music - why should I listen to it?" "I don't know how to show that I'm interested in God outside church." If these are the kinds of excuses/justifications/arguments you'd like to respond with, I want to ask you to try and see this from our perspective before you do. Take a look at yourself. Listen to what you're saying. Consider if you might be fitting the exact description I've given of our youth group.

Apathy. Fussiness. Disrespect. Disinterest. Distrust... How are you hindering this youth group? And what can you do about it?

Respond to this how ever you want, but I'm gonna ask that you avoid any apologies or promises to try harder. Let's just do it already.