Things You All Should Know

I thought I should share some stuff with you guys. I realized recently that I've never really talked with you guys about this, and since I keep encouraging you all to be honest and to share what God is doing in your lives, I figured it was something I needed to do. So, here goes...

Some of you might not fully understand where I came from and what I'm doing in our youth group. Those of you who haven't been members very long might not know much about me at all and those of you older members who remember me from my own time in the youth group still might not understand why exactly I came back.

You see, back in the day, I really loved our youth group. When I graduated in 2002, I wasn't ready to leave it, and I didn't. I didn't go to college immediately after high school because I wanted to be a filmmaker, so rather than going to an ordinary college, I decided to stay here in Hope and get a job - putting back the money I made to either go to film school or to produce my own independent film. Since I would still be around, Gary told me I still had a place in the youth group - that I could stay as long as I wanted. At the time, I didn't see any reason why I wouldn't.

But it didn't take long for things to start to change. It's just something that happens after high school. In that first year, my relationship with God grew. As it did, my interests changed and the things of my youth grew less and less interesting to me. Eventually, my interest in the youth group began to fade. Youth groups were great for youth, but I was growing up and just didn't feel like I had a place there anymore. Don't get me wrong - I felt accepted by everyone, but it just didn't feel right. I just didn't belong.

I stayed for Gary. The stress was really getting to him at that time and it bothered him that a lot of people were starting to drop out. I stayed to support him, but deep down, I know it was over. After Gary resigned, I finally decided it was time to leave.

After that, I felt lost. I quit the youth group because I didn't feel like there was anything there for me, but the cruel irony of it was that there was now nowhere for me to go - nowhere for me to plug into. For almost two years, I just waited for God to reveal to me the next stage of my life. During that time I started to grow very complacent in my faith. While my relationship with God had been maturing before, now it just seemed to be on hold. There were times when I felt like I was starting to better understand God on an intellectual level, but my enthusiasim for serving Him became stale.

And for reasons I can't fully explain, I grew to resent teenagers. I guess it had something to do with how my own teenage experience had just sorta withered away. There was so much about my youth that just felt meaningless now, and I guess I saw that meaninglessness in every aspect of youth culture. But really, it was pride. I was proud to be an adult and to not be a "stupid kid" anymore. At least, I thought I was proud. Like I said, I had become complacent. Something was missing, so I'm not sure what I thought I had to be proud of.

A lot of you know about my mission trip to Brazil last summer. When I found out about this project, I immediately knew it was God's will for me to go. Specifically, I knew that God was saying, "Jason, here's the answer to your complacency." That was all I needed to know. I was so anxious for God to reveal something new to me.

Now, I had no intention of working with teenagers. There were many jobs I could choose from. One of the more popular jobs that the teenagers did was acting on the drama team. I watched the kids from Liberty-Eylau perform the drama for our church in the spring (some of you might remember that). The whole time they were performing, I was thinking, "Well, I certainly won't be doing this!" I figured I'd get involved with one of the construction teams or something. But no matter what I did, I would be considered an adult. I was adamant about that.

Things didn't work out that way, though. The drama team from Liberty-Eylau needed a guy to play the part of God. They asked me. Wanting to be seen as mature and cooperative, I agreed. But I was very disappointed about it. I prayed that the situation would change and they wouldn't need me. But God said no.

As it turned out, He had put me exactly where I needed to be. I fell in love with my team (a group of teenagers) and with the mission that we shared. My experiences in Brazil were, without question, the most amazing experiences of my life. Even now as I write about it, it nearly brings tears to my eyes. God broke my complacency alright - shattered it to pieces!

When I came home, I felt lost again. But it was different this time. This time it felt temporary, because I knew there was an answer - I needed what I had in Brazil. I needed the kinds of relationships I had developed in Brazil. I needed a ministry that I could share with people that I loved. I realized that this resentment I had felt for teenagers was actually love that had been manipulated by Satan in order to prevent me from becoming what God intended me to be. I have spent every moment of my life since getting back determined to defy those manipulations. It's been an awesome journey. But it's been hard trying to sort out all that God has been doing - understanding the relationships He'd set in motion (that's a whole other story).

In the fall, my relationship with Gary began to grow. We started meeting every Thursday to hang out and pray about things going on in our lives. I started expressing to him all that I was going through. At the same time, he'd tell me about things going on in the youth group. It bothered him that the youth group felt lost and dying - that he didn't even know who was saved and who wasn't because there was no communication - no sense of community. It bothered me too. I had visited Liberty-Eylau Baptist Church a couple times to see some of my friends from the Brazil trip. It bothered me that Calvary's youth group didn't seem to have the same kind of life that they did. I wanted to do something to help, but I didn't feel like I had a place there...or that I'd be welcome.

This went on for a couple months - me praying and thinking about where my ministry was. Then came that moment when Renee did what she did. I was there the night it happened, and I can't really recall everything that I was feeling and thinking when she quit. All I knew was that things were about to change in the youth group. No doubt. I prayed that things could change for the better, but I knew that would only happen if somebody stepped in who truly loved you guys. I knew Gary qualified, but I also knew how hard it was for him and I wanted to help.

Gary called me that Wednesday and asked me if I was ready. I said I was, and that was the first night I joined you guys. Since then, things have been really awesome. The journey that God started me on in Brazil is still going. It's been awesome getting to know you guys. I'm starting to see that what I had in Brazil can be found here too, you just have to know how to recognize it when you see it. And that's what I want to help you guys to understand.

There's so much more to tell you all. I wish I could tell you more about all that God did in Brazil, but I wouldn't know where to begin...or end. Maybe someday. But for now, I just wanted you all to know where I'm coming from and that I care about you guys - and I can say that honestly because, for the first time in my life, I truly understand what that means. I'm glad to be your friends and I hope these friendships develop even more as time goes on.